I’ve pretty much remained silent today .. as I sit here and mull calling my father on this day. He’s made a concerted effort these last several years — he has. However, when I really needed him — when I needed his advice, his love, his affection, his hugs, his reprimanding, his embrace, his model — it wasn’t there. And this all is still very vivid in my mind. *insert sad face* I love my father, heck he drove me down here to Charlotte, we watched plenty-o-Packers games together — that was our bonding experience; however, it’s hard for him to look at me sometimes *i catch him* because he knows. He knows that the absence of his fatherhood can never be regained. So I get a little sad sometimes when I hear people displaying so much affection toward the MAN next to God in their lives, because I didn’t have that. It’s okay I’m a big girl now friends and I’m not dependent on a man, but I can’t help but think it would have been nice to have him around. Sometimes I blame my mother and her bitterness.